Life is Confusing and Wonderful

I don't want to go to class.

I should be extremely tired and sleepy. After all, I haven't slept in the past 2 days.

But that's not the case.
I want to stay up. Again.
I want to hear the nothingness of the night.
I want to feel the calm.
I want to hear the birds without the sound of humans.
I want to see the city without life.

And then, I want to see the sunrise. Life will start over, and the day will start again.

I can't though. It will completely shut down my system if I do that.

I'm just thinking a lot.

About love, and what it means to me.
I want to know how far it will get me. I want to know how much love I can hold in me, and how much I can give out. I want to love everyone, but if I love everyone, I don't think I'll have enough for myself. I love Warren, but I don't know if I'm giving him too much or too little. I want to know what love will hold for me in the future.
The word "love" has lost a lot of meaning. I love Warren, and I love green tea. What? Exactly. You know the Eskimos had many different versions of "love." I wonder what happened to English. We generalize love too much, and we end up loving almost everything we see.
Well you know what? I love Warren. And that's love.

About forgiveness, and how it should be emphasized more.
Forgiveness isn't spoken about enough. We buried it away, deep down. It makes me worry. I'm a forgiving person, I forgive easily. But I'm not a fool. I just understand that we are all human, and though it's a horrible excuse, we make the stupidest mistakes. If I didn't forgive you, that would be extremely hypocritical of me. I'm stupid. You're stupid. And we're human. We need to forgive each other for what we've done. To others or to each other. It doesn't matter who you hurt, or who hurt you. What will you do with the grudge? Nothing can come out of that. I wish... people would forgive more often.
It just feels horrible to be not forgiven.

About time and we have no control over it.
I wish we did. You do to? It's a common human wish. There are many things I regret. There are many things I wish I could do again. There are moments I want to live again. But we can't. Somehow, it makes me bitter. It makes me feel weak. Humans are so weak. We can only go on, forward. It doesn't matter what happened in our past. We can only control what is happening now, and we don't even know what's awaiting us in the future. We are so weak and dependent.
I want to relive the moments when my sister and I shared a bed, and we shared secrets of life. I love her, I miss her. I miss the way we were. I miss our relationship. I miss complaining about the cold weather with her. I miss complaining about our cracked window. I miss complaining about our parents. I miss falling asleep together, next to each other.
I want to relive the moment in Searingtown, on November 15, 2008. I want to feel my cheeks become hot. I want my heart to race. I want the blood rushing to my head. I want my fingers to tingle at the touch. I want to see him the way I did then.
I want to relive a lot of moments. If I list them all, I'd be wasting my present time.

I don't know.
Life confuses me. I know what I'm supposed to do here. That's all figured out.
I'm just confused as to how to approach it.