All The Things She Said

Haha, old song.

My mind and heart rushes when I listen to this song. In this order:

First, I start thinking of my freshmen year of high school. Just the word "FRESHMEN" pops up in front of me, and I see myself wearing tight jeans and a tank top and my black North Face jacket. I am wearing eyeliner and black nail polish. I am naturally skinny, and I have long black hair.

Then, memories start coming up. Some are good, some are bad. And although I have many good memories, simply knowing that I will never be able to go back to experience them again hurts me. I don't mean to sound emo, but my heart feels so tight and my breathing becomes quicker.

I cringe my face. My mouth tightens into a thin line. I try to grasp a memory, to feel it, to feel the vibrations of noise around me, to feel the stench flowing up my nose, to feel the slight but deadly cold breeze gently brushing my neck.

I miss it. I miss it all. The good memories. Even all the bad memories.

If I close my eyes and try really hard, I can see it again. I can see the room I used to live in. I can smell the perfume I put on. I can feel the coldness seeping through my new North Face jacket. I can feel a smile coming on.

But it's not really there. If I know it, it's not there anymore. If I have seen it, it doesn't exist anymore. If I know what it's like, then I know what it was like. I cannot re-know it all over again.

Time sucks. Time is such a cruel thing. Many people look toward their future. They plan magnificent things for themselves, be it cruises, parties, shopping time, having kids, getting the perfect job. Hey, I do that too. I look at the future and think of all the things I want to do. But imagining is a lot easier than going backwards. Because imaginations can take you anywhere you want. But the past only gives you what you already have. Had. But I want it now, and I can't. That's why time is cruel to me.

I swear I'm not emo.

It's just, whenever I hear this song, that's the only thing I think of. This song makes me not just sad, but it makes me nostalgic to the point it hurts me.

Don't worry guys.

Peace & Love.