Tila is my Role Model

I was just thinking about random things in the shower.
I thought about different role models I've had. Some lasted and are still my role models, some were evanescent. Either way, I'm listing every role model I can remember.

At least the ones that I can remember right now, which isn't that much.



Tile Tequila. If you don't know her, you're living in a hole. She slowly gain fame in infamous ways. She did so many things I wish I was brave enough to do. She's has her own personality. She was my role model in 9th grade, she still is now. No, I'm not crazy.


Younha is a Korean singer, who debuted in Japan because Koreans were nasty and told her she was not pretty enough. Stupid Koreans. I love you Younha, your voice is wonderful, you are beautiful, please continue singing.


I don't want to tell you who she is, because you're just going to think weirdly of me. Okay fine, her name is Sasha Grey. Don't look her name up on Google when your parents or your siblings are there. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. And isn't she gorgeous? She became so independent at a young age. I want to learn how to do that. Therefore, she is my role model.


My latest. She became my role model in the last three days. She's hot. She wears black. She's not bubbly. She can dance. I aspire to be like you, Ga-In.


Just thought you should know who my role models were, not that you care. Now you know. Hah, more useless knowledge in your brain.

Peace and love ;)

Look at All those Fancy clothes

Look at all those fancy clothes
But these could keep us warm,
just like those.

I can't live without music. But I'm not a pod-head. I don't have earphones in my ear all the time. I appreciate beat and rhythm. I love passion in the voice. I love pure instruments. I love the pure guitar, pure piano, pure violin. But in the end, it's the lyrics that take me away.

Do you hear the passion in her voice?
Do you see the precision in her fingers?
Do you see the way she moves?

Music is lovely.

Poker?

I'm trying to learn poker right now, but why the heck is it so confusing!?

I can't even begin to memorize the suits! I have such a terrible memory! What the heck...

And then I have to memorize the flush and whatever...

It's too confusing!

I want to learn because everybody else knows how to play, but... ahhh. My small brain can't take it.


I don't even know what this is called.

Images from Bing.com

Something YOU wouldn't recognize--

-- It's called love.

I just finished rewatching Spirited Away.

And remembered how sweet it was!

It's actually really hard to understand for me. There's way too many things going on at once, way too many symbolism put into one movie. No-Face, water spirit, Yubaba, Haku, pigs, frogs, blaaaah.

But one thing I know is: the relationship between Haku and Chihiro is just so freaking adorable. They're so young (maybe not Haku, he is a spirit after all), and they're just so in love! Young love, of course. But it's just so cute to watch.

I love how Chihiro is able to walk all the way back and actually not look back. She believed when he said , "don't worry, we'll see each other soon enough." Somehow, for some reason, she believed it. Personally, those words won't reassure me. I'll want to look back. I will look back. But she was so strong and kept her faith. That's what so young and adorable about her.

There's nothing more to say, because I'm freakin' sleepy and I can't think. I need to go to sleep.

Peace and looooove <3>

The Orphan was...

I really have to write about this movie. My heart tells me to do so.

Don't worry about spoilers. I'll make them orange so you can see them and dodge around them (or unintentionally read them).

Here, watch the trailer:




I don't think I'm a high-pitched squealing little girl (I hope not), but I'm not some cold-hearted stone faced girl either. I won't lie, I get scared pretty easily.

But this movie was more funny than scary.

Esther, oh Esther, you made me laugh so much.

One of the best moments went something like this:
Kate (mom): When adults love each other, we like to show it.
Esther (orphan): I know. You fuck.

Writing that made me giggle. Hehe. Hahaha.

Some other funny moments:
- When Esther walked through the kitchen when the mom and the dad were having sex.
- When Kate (the mom) bitch-slapped Esther in the hospital. The audience started clapping.
- When Esther dressed like a whore and put on whore makeup and started hitting on the father.


And to add to that, the person I was sitting next to (my sister) made a comment about every single thing that happened in the movie.
"Wow, she's an amazing artist."
"She's a really strong woman!"
"Oh no don't fall! Oh well, at least it was snow."
"Jump! Why are you holding on?! Jump!!!!!"
"Oh I know what happens! I saw this part in the trailer."
And so on...

So all in all, the movie was filled with, "hahaha, what?" and "ew, blood" moments. At least for me.

One thing though. The ending sucked! No, don't worry, I'm not talking about the ending of the story. I'm talking about the end of Esther. It ended in the same way as The Ring 2. With the exact same lines and the exact same kick.

Ah well. I guess originality is hard to find nowadays.

So, go watch the movie with your friends! It'll make you laugh, I promise!!

Peace and love <# P.S. Those are flowers up there.

Loneliness = Murder

I'm so lonely, boohoo. I think I'll just shoot women at a gym.
In diary, shooting suspect shares despair, intent to kill.



What? You don't make sense. How do those two even connect?

I've been lonely plenty of times.

I was lonely when I moved to this country 10 years ago. (Ohmygod that was 10 years ago?). I couldn't speak the language, and even those who did couldn't understand me because they were so bad at Korean. I didn't understand, I didn't know. So lonely.

I was lonely when I moved 3,000 miles across the country in 8th grade. Probably the worst time to move. For one thing, I was going through my inevitable preteen puberty; you get depressed for no reason, you hate your sisters, you hate your parents, you hate teachers, you hate the world. I even thought of ways to kill myself, because I wanted to know if my family would care if I died. I ran through the list: cutting my wrists, hanging myself, throwing myself in front of a car, overdosing on pills. It was pretty serious. On top of that, I didn't know anyone. New Yorkers were so impatient, so cold, so bitchy. I hated the world. So lonely, oh so lonely.

I was lonely in my junior year of high school, when I decided I needed to lose a bit of weight, but ended up losing way too much, and put myself in a bit of a danger. I struggled to keep myself healthy. No one helped me. No one asked me "how are you?" No one does that. People stare, people talk. But never to you. Never to me. It was cold and I was lonely. So lonely.

And I will probably be lonely when I start my first year of college.

But you know what? You make relationships with these things called people. And you build something called friendship. You can't do that? Then I'm sorry, maybe you're being a bitch. No, even the bitchiest bitches make thousands of friends. You're probably not making an effort. At all.

Okay, I know. Those comparisons up there probably don't even compare to the loneliness thousands of people feel everyday. He wants a family, he wants to find love, maybe even just temporary short-lived love, he wants meaning in his life, he wants to feel special, he wants friends, he wants someone to care for him. I'm sorry if you're that lonely, I don't know how it feels. But there are thousands, millions who feel just like you. Lonely.

This world is not fair, and if you think you're going to get friends just sitting around, smiling and feeding the ducks, well it doesn't always work like that. You suck up to people. You make them look at you. You gotta demand some attention. And no, don't become an attention whore. Just simply become the person you wish you could be. It sounds easy, but it's hard. And at the same time, it's so much easier than killing others so you wouldn't feel so lonely anymore.

And why did he kill women?

Grow up. Please. No offense, but you have the mind of a 2-year old, but worse. People like you make me mad. I personally know someone like that, and it makes me wonder how one person could be so freaking bitter. I don't care if you were thrown away as a child, raped by your brother, beat by your father. It sounds harsh, and I pretty much sound like a cold-hearted bitch. But I'm angry, and I'm ranting at you. Grow up. You're not the center of the universe. And if you want to be, maybe you should start talking so people realize you're not invisible. Maybe then you won't feel so lonely anymore.



Post Disclaimer: I was really angry when I wrote this. If you really are lonely and are looking for help, please look for help. I don't want anyone to actually feel even more worthless after reading this. I'm not mad at you. I was just angry at that man for killing people, just because he was lonely and wanted others to feel the similar pain. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. Images from bing.com.

Peace and love.

What is Love? No, really.

This is a little tiny, or not so tiny, rant to myself or to whoever may be reading this. Just another warning note, this is a rant.

In a Facebook note, my friend said that love controls us. We are happy when we are with a person we love, but we are sad when we are not. We go so far for love. So should we keep on loving, or should we give up love?

I sometimes feel love restricts me. I don't know how I should act in front of the people I love. I don't know how to lie, I don't know how to tell the truth. I don't know what kind of show to put on in front of them. I don't want them to think I'm arrogant, foolish, mean-spirited.

And why do we only have one word for love? I love my Mom in a very different way than I love music. I love my boyfriend in a different way than I love my friends. Food, stuffed animals, sleeping, beach, sky, biking, swimming. I love them all, but my love for all those are different. The word love is so limited, but yet so broad. We need better vocabulary.



I, of course have no eyebrows. Is it a natural human behavior to pick out something bad for yourself in a photo? Anyways. I love this. That photo. Those awkward smiles. The dark gloominess outside the limousine window. Our formal attires. Us.


I love the time I spent with my friends. Though I'm not so friendly with all of them, I just love being with all of them. Different personalities and voices make me happy.


I love how my little sister is taking her time to wash the car, even though it's not dirty. I love how she got all the soap and the water ready, and is actually, modestly trying to wash the car. She's adorable.


I don't love stuffed animals that much. I love this because my little sister arranged all of them like a family, and took many family photos.


Good, I didn't rant as much as I thought I would. I guess love is too deep of a topic for me to rant about.

Ever been on a school rooftop?

My goals, aspirations change as time passes by. This year, I wanted to, I needed to go on a roof.

And so I did, with my boyfriend, about a month or two ago. It was the roof of an elementary school. It wasn't what I expected. But then again, how can I expect anything when I don't even know anything of it? The rooftop was nice, very high I might say. And getting down was a traumatizing experience for me.

Today, we went on another rooftop. Another elementary school. We climbed the pipelines on the side and managed to get up.

I liked this one better. I don't know why. Perhaps it was the red, sunset sky we saw when we climbed on top. Perhaps it was just because I was not feeling anxious about getting down.

So he and I ventured onto the land on top. We walked around, looking for an easy way down, curious to find anything different.

But the rooftop wasn't anything special. It was just a simple rooftop.

We climbed to the highest surface of the school, laid back, and stared at the sky. Into the sky. There were no clouds. I love that feeling. I love staring into something, and not seeing the end of it. It's like I reach for it, but I have no idea how far my hands really far. I have no idea how far the sky stretches.

Four of our friends joined us and we all stared up into the cloudless sky. The sun slowly set, and the stars came out. Not a lot. But the transition was beautiful.

We really had no problem getting down.

I'm definitely going to do that again.
I love that rooftop.
I love being up so high.
Especially because I, myself, climbed it, and I, myself, walked up.

Let's go to Paradise Falls

I know UP is a Disney-Pixar movie, but it's so darn amazing!

One of the sweetest quotes:

The boring moments are the moments I remember the most.
(or something similar)

I thought the movie was really funny and cute, but very meaningful at the same time. I cried in the beginning, the middle, and the end. It was sad and really happy.

One of the cutest, funniest, saddest and happiest movies I've ever seen. Everything about the movie is just beautiful.

Do you hate Miley Cyrus?

I do. Or at least I thought I did.

For the past few weeks, I've been seeing covers of Miley Cyrus' The Climb. I actually never watched any of the covers. I just knew they were there.

Then, just out of curiosity, I decided to listen to the real thing.

And let me tell you, I hated Miley Cyrus. She was an overblown pop star with no real talent. She was fake, she was a drama queen, she was a brat, she was a celebrity. I hated her just for that.

When I listened to The Climb, I broke out in tears. I literally, broke out in tears. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. All the emotions I held in were put into a song, and the lyrics fit into my life like a puzzle. Such a strong gush of feelings flooded out. How did she do that? I don't know.

It's a beautiful song though.

P.S. I hope nobody I know in real life reads this...