I like Big Butts

Teamwork!

1 Less on my To-Do List

I did something on my mental To-Do List!

It was an interesting experience. Weird.

Mostly because after I said something, it felt like I said it ages ago. Like, there's a really faint echo or something.

And everything was really funny. I don't know why. It just was.

I also thought I was in a ship. And the sea was really loud. And I was the captain.

I remember coming in through the front house.

I felt really heavy. And the air was pushing me down.

Um.... that's it.

Yep, interesting.

Songs Make Me Remember Things

Do you remember that time when you were really angsty and emo and you were in junior high or middle school? Remember the songs you listened back then? If you listen to them now, do you get the exact feelings back, all over again?

If you don't, I guess this doesn't apply to you. I get the rush of emotions all over again.


All The Things She Said by tAtU
Freshmen year. I remember feeling confused and mentally lost. I remember fully depending on one person, then carrying that to someone else. I trusted people, I gave them all I had. But I could never find one person who actually stuck around. Kind of makes my heart ache because I miss looking around frantically and being a high school freshmen.

Breathe by Anna Nalick
When I really got into guitar. I played day and night. And this was basically the only song I could play, along with some Christian songs I learned in Japan. I played this everyday for a month. That's all I did. I ate dinner, took a shower, and played guitar till I went to sleep. Makes me realize how much time I had in the beginning of Senior year.

Autobiography by Ashlee Simpson
In the course of 2 weeks, I listened to this song more than 140 times. My family drove from California to New York, and this Ashlee Simpson CD was the only music I brought. My sister and I put it on repeat the whole time. My family, we drove from place to place, looking for hotels or just any place to sleep, while trying to get to New York in time. Reminds me of chaotic freedom.

Never Alone by Barlow Girls
Japan. I went on a Christian Missions to Japan in the summer of 2008. We made a skit with this song, and personally, I thought it was amazing. No words, just actions. And we all know actions speak louder than words. It touched me, and I cried the first time I saw it. Reminds me of... my very Christian self back in the summer.

Where is the Love by Black Eyed Peas
Somebody used this song in 10th grade World History class project. This is the only song I remember, out of 30 songs. And this is the only song my class liked. Reminds me of how boring my class was (sorry mister teacher, if you're reading).

Everytime by Britney Spears
I hate this song. It leaves me this feeling of emptiness and this eerie feeling. I don't like the melody. I don't like her voice. I don't like the video. It creeps me out a lot.

Fighter by Christina Aguilera
I took dance lessons in 7th grade. We made a dance to this song for our recital, but changed a week before the performance. It was a good dance, and I have no idea why my teacher decided to change. Oh, how young I was back then. Oh, how I did not care about anything in the world. I miss that feeling.

Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson
I realized I had a crush on my to-be-boyfriend. He let me listen to this song from his mp3 the same week I figured out I liked him. Whenever I listen to this song, I'll always think of him (as corny as it sounds, it's true).

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
So I had a crush on my to-be-boyfriend, and this was my favorite song back then. It gives me a happy feeling. It makes me smile. This is a good song.

Daughters by John Mayer
I asked my friend for song suggestions. She had over 2000 songs. She suggested this one, probably because she knew my family background. I think she tried to make me feel better. It helped. She's a wonderful friend, and this is a wonderful song. It kind of reminds me of hope.

So Kiss Me by Katie Melua
Alright the original is done by New Found Glory, but I like this one better. It's singable. The original was too fast and I just could not catch up with it. I found this song a bit late, but nonetheless, still had mesmerized me with it's overly cute lyrics. I guess it's what I always look for. A very story-like, cute, romantic and a bit cheesy love.

Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson
So I got to New York from California. Right away, I knew I did not belong. I sang this song throughout all of 8th grade, because this song and I, we just knew we were meant for each other from the beginning. New York was so different. It wasn't really hard trying to fit in and make friends, but this song reminds me of how uncomfortable I felt during 8th grade. I wanted to go home. I'm listening to it now. I want to go home, to California.

Everything by Michael Buble with the accents and all
Another boyfriend song. I said it like it doesn't mean anything, but it does. I don't remember when he sent the link to me, but I remember we went to the Apple store one day, and decided to test out those new iPod nanos. The one we listened to was playing this song. It makes me warm and smile.

Savin' Me by Nickelback
I would not have found Nickeback if it wasn't for this song I randomly found on a fanfiction website that I never go to, except for that one occasion, because I was bored and I wanted to read something to fill my brain. I clicked on something random, and the author/blogger had a link to this song on YouTube, with a story that followed. I was very touched by the lyrics and searched for more of Nickelback songs. I fell in love. This song, and all the rest of their songs remind me that life is... life. I've got to live it.

Go With The Flow by Queens of Stone Age
My friend in California. I can't go into details. Whenever I listen to this song, I kind of feel shameful. It's similar to the feeling I got in freshmen year, just in different emotions.

Agni Kai by The Track Team
Reminds me of an anime/manga/cartoon/comic geek I used to be. I still am to some degree, just not as severe.



image from Bing.com. psst, it's going to take over the world.

UAlbany Orientation

Orientation was an interesting experience. Mostly awkward and a little fun.

All I have to say is, I wish I liked UAlbany. I wish I loved it. I wish I didn't choose Albany as my bridge to Binghamton. But I already have, and there's no way I'm changing that. So all the new, crazy, interesting people I met at the orientation won't change how I feel about Albany and Binghamton. Albany will always be the bridge, and Binghamton will always be the goal. It's sad but true.

I don't want to sound like an Asian freak, but there really are no Asians up in Albany. I can't say I wasn't looking for them; I grew up Asians all around me. It's kind of weird when there's suddenly only white and black people all around me. I guess I'll have to get used to that.

That said, Albany is a pretty nice place. It can get really hot and humid in the day, but from what I experienced, it's cool (and humid) in the evening. The school has lots of activities throughout the year, and there's a mall nearby. I couldn't find it, but Google Map can't be wrong.

I've always wanted to get out of the house and live on my own (or in a dorm I guess) but now that it's really happening, it's kind of weird. It scares me a little. Not scary as in, ohmygosh I don't know what to do, I'm going to dieeeee. It scares me because it's something new. I'm anxious, nervous, but excited, all at the same time.

University at Albany. Here I come. Only for a semester though.

When is it hard to Apologize?

My dad never apologizes for anything. He doesn't apologize when he's actually wrong. He doesn't even apologize to look good. He just doesn't apologize, period. He can be sorry in his mind and know he is wrong in his heart, but he has never spoke, whispered, stuttered the word "sorry." It's hard for me to apologize to him, if he never apologizes for anything.

When I do something subtly wrong in front of everyone, it's hard to come back and apologize. I could just let it pass, and that would be over with. No need to go back and be sorry for something I meant to keep under control. But I should, and I know it, and it's hard to apologize right then.

And it's very hard to apologize when I don't need to, when I know I didn't do anything wrong. Furthermore, it's harder to apologize when I know I'm right, but I have to apologize anyway, because that's just the way things are.

What is Love? No, really.

This is a little tiny, or not so tiny, rant to myself or to whoever may be reading this. Just another warning note, this is a rant.

In a Facebook note, my friend said that love controls us. We are happy when we are with a person we love, but we are sad when we are not. We go so far for love. So should we keep on loving, or should we give up love?

I sometimes feel love restricts me. I don't know how I should act in front of the people I love. I don't know how to lie, I don't know how to tell the truth. I don't know what kind of show to put on in front of them. I don't want them to think I'm arrogant, foolish, mean-spirited.

And why do we only have one word for love? I love my Mom in a very different way than I love music. I love my boyfriend in a different way than I love my friends. Food, stuffed animals, sleeping, beach, sky, biking, swimming. I love them all, but my love for all those are different. The word love is so limited, but yet so broad. We need better vocabulary.



I, of course have no eyebrows. Is it a natural human behavior to pick out something bad for yourself in a photo? Anyways. I love this. That photo. Those awkward smiles. The dark gloominess outside the limousine window. Our formal attires. Us.


I love the time I spent with my friends. Though I'm not so friendly with all of them, I just love being with all of them. Different personalities and voices make me happy.


I love how my little sister is taking her time to wash the car, even though it's not dirty. I love how she got all the soap and the water ready, and is actually, modestly trying to wash the car. She's adorable.


I don't love stuffed animals that much. I love this because my little sister arranged all of them like a family, and took many family photos.


Good, I didn't rant as much as I thought I would. I guess love is too deep of a topic for me to rant about.

Why is America so Big

Hello, long time no talk.

I don't know why, but the last two weeks went by quicker than I thought it would.

Last night, Phuong and I were going to stay up because we had to leave for the airport at 4:30 in the morning. But I gave in and fell asleep around 2:00. Amazingly, she stayed up.

I wondered how tired she was.

We left at 4:45. I dropped her off at the airport. I hugged her, saw her line up to go into the boarding area.

I wish we lived closer to each other. Why does America have to be so big? Big isn't always good. I don't understand why rulers think the more land they have, the better, smarter, they will be. It's not true at all.

Maybe I'll move to a small country when I'm older. Small and friendly. Nice meals. Places to visit everyday. Maybe a mountain to climb each morning. A lake. Friends. Neighbors.

Maybe next summer, or next winter, or whenever I have the money, I will visit California.

Grumpy Dude called Cops on us

Or at least that grumpy man threatened that he called the cops on us.

I woke up at 5:30 in the morning with a phone call to go biking. I woke up Phuong (who probably did not get enough sleep at all) and got ready to go early morning bicycling. We planned to meet up with my boyfriend in front of his house, and continue our biking journey.

So Phuong and I were on our bikes, only half-awake. On the way, we spotted a poor bird who couldn't fly. We had no idea why, but we wanted to help it. Somehow I ended up calling my sister, and somehow we picked up the bird, put it in a paper bag, and ended up carrying it to Warren's house.

Unfortunately, by the time we met up with my boyfriend, the bird was dead.

We, teenagers, decided it would be funny to put the bag in front of a house. Yes, we were stupid, and why yes, it was a joke.

As we biked away, I saw the man staring at us. I heard a grunt.

We biked for a good 20 minutes, and decided to go back to the man, take the bird back, and apologize. And that's exactly what we did. Or, Warren did. He wanted for us to wait in the corner.

Apparently the guy was too stubborn and too tight to listen to Warren's apology. He cursed my boyfriend out, all angry and impatient. He threatened the police were going to get him. After all that, Warren came over to us and we continued biking, frustrated that the man was so mad.

Later on, we met him at Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, it is a small world after all.

He asked for Warren's name, address, and if his parents were home or not.

I thought, seriously? What is your problem man? It was a joke. Haven't you ever done that as a kid? A teenager? I'm sorry if you were an ex-military sargeant, but we are not your soldiers and we are not going to listen to your orders. Let the cops come, what are they going to do? Arrest us for putting a dead bird in front of your door as a joke? Loosen up. I'm sorry your kids hate you. I'm sorry you were abused as a child. I'm sorry you are mentally retarded. I'm sorry you only know hatred. You are a cold hearted man. No, you're not a man. You're a bitch.

I feel sorry for you. That's a lie, but I said it anyway, because you're so pathetic.

The Korean Visitors Goes Back

My grandma and my grandma's brother (Grand Uncle?) went back home today. I helped them with their luggage in the airport. It was kind of relieving but sad at the same time. It will probably be the last time I will ever see them in my life. They are quite a bit old. And they are probably never coming back, or even if they are planning on coming back, they probably won't get a chance.

It's sad to see how much I hated my Grand Uncle before. I had a good reason too. But that doesn't change the fact that it's still sad that I hated my own family member. I wish I had been more open to his ideas. I wish I could have asked for his help a little bit more.

I wish I could have kept in touch with my Grandma. I wish I could have spoken Korean a bit more, so that I might just remember the language, even in the future. I wish I could have visited Korea.

My Grand Uncle told me to contact him if I was in any need. He told me he won't tell my mom or dad. He already knew most of our family problems, and he understood what I went through. I was really thankful when he gave me that option years before. I just never really wanted to trust him. How can I trust a person half-way around the world, probably three times older than me? How can I trust someone so rich, so relaxed, so laid back, so care free? I didn't know he meant it. I didn't know he cared.

It's a bit late. I won't tell him anything.

But thank you.

No Idea what the name of the food is

You're wondering what that is. Or you just don't care.

Well, if you happen to care, let me tell you, I don't know what it is either.

But, it is good. It's really good.

My boyfriend came over yesterday with the ingredients in a bag, and would not let me look inside the bag, nor tell me what we were going to make. So I waited.

I helped him make it.
The white balls are made out of rice flour, and the brown liquid thing is sweet red bean.
We had to dump the white balls into a boiling pot of water, and then take them out when they started floating.
Anyway, it was fun.

I think guys who cook are really hot. They're very attractive for some reason...

It was tasty. Delicious.

Ever been on a school rooftop?

My goals, aspirations change as time passes by. This year, I wanted to, I needed to go on a roof.

And so I did, with my boyfriend, about a month or two ago. It was the roof of an elementary school. It wasn't what I expected. But then again, how can I expect anything when I don't even know anything of it? The rooftop was nice, very high I might say. And getting down was a traumatizing experience for me.

Today, we went on another rooftop. Another elementary school. We climbed the pipelines on the side and managed to get up.

I liked this one better. I don't know why. Perhaps it was the red, sunset sky we saw when we climbed on top. Perhaps it was just because I was not feeling anxious about getting down.

So he and I ventured onto the land on top. We walked around, looking for an easy way down, curious to find anything different.

But the rooftop wasn't anything special. It was just a simple rooftop.

We climbed to the highest surface of the school, laid back, and stared at the sky. Into the sky. There were no clouds. I love that feeling. I love staring into something, and not seeing the end of it. It's like I reach for it, but I have no idea how far my hands really far. I have no idea how far the sky stretches.

Four of our friends joined us and we all stared up into the cloudless sky. The sun slowly set, and the stars came out. Not a lot. But the transition was beautiful.

We really had no problem getting down.

I'm definitely going to do that again.
I love that rooftop.
I love being up so high.
Especially because I, myself, climbed it, and I, myself, walked up.

Graduation

As we go on, from whatever
We will still be friends forever.

I'm an Angsty Teenager

I realized this a bit late, but I'm an angsty teenager, aren't I? Too bad my teenage years will be gone in less than a year. Then, I will become an angsty college student. Or something like that.

I didn't go through this angsty stage in my life when I should have. My sister went through it during 8th and 9th grade, and a little bit now. I should have gone through it back then, but we just moved from California, and everything was a hustle and a bustle, and time went by too fast for me to become angsty. I guess I finally caught up to 9th grade.